I’m sitting here on a friend's porch in beautiful Southern California, two-thirds into the longest vacation I’ve taken as an adult, and I don’t know how I feel.
I was expecting a breakthrough of sorts or at least a reset or a new point of view about my life. That hasn’t happened yet, but the healthy practice of being aware of feelings keeps popping up in conversations, and, just this morning, in an Oracle card pull (see above).
Actually, now that I think about it, I do know how I feel. I feel like I’m in a holding pattern waiting for those BIG feelings that go hand-in-hand with a breakthrough. Maybe my expectation of those strong feelings caused me to overlook my current, seemingly small feelings.
Following this train of thought, these small feelings might be a good sign. I recently became aware that I have always lived with an underlying current of self-imposed and unwarranted anxiety.
The great thing is that now, while on this vacation, I am noticing the absence of that anxiety, and it seems to have been replaced by these comparatively gentle and quiet feelings.
No wonder I overlooked these feelings: I have never felt them before.
Maybe having these quiet feelings is the BIG breakthrough. This replacement of fear and anxiety with calmness is the turn around, the reset, the new point of view. Yes, of course it is!
As I write this, I’m experiencing a subtle shift from that feeling of waiting to yet another feeling.
And I know what this breakthrough feeling is:
I feel at peace.