I Came Face to Face with My Deceased Father in the Astral Realm

My father died of cancer at age 50 when I was 27 years old. The first time I saw him again was in a dream. He walked down the stairs toward me, appearing to be in his mid 30’s and looking perfectly healthy. That dream comforted me because I knew he was okay.

When I was in my mid 30’s, I had my first lucid dream. I sort of woke up within a dream by becoming aware that I was dreaming. My consciousness (within some sort of astral body) was in the dream world while my physical body was fast asleep in my bedroom. This brought to light a belief-shattering idea: My conscious mind must not live in my body. This belief became my foundation for psychic growth.

For many years after, I lived for lucid dreaming and kept detailed dream journals. In my most active period I averaged about four lucid dreams a month.

There are many books on the subjects of lucid dreams and astral projection, all attempts to describe how it all works from our 3D point of view. In the future I may write in detail about my personal point of view of the subjects, but for know I just want to give a quick summary of what I believe as a result of my experience.

My consciousness in a lucid dream can vary from sleepy awareness to being completely alert in a shockingly vivid scene, but it is never exactly the same as physical waking consciousness.

It’s more like having tunnel vision; I see only what’s right in front of me.

I consider lucid dreaming to be when I become consciously aware within a dream environment. After accomplishing that, I usually ask to stop the dream environment and “go” somewhere else. Wherever I end up is part of the astral realm.

In this realm, thought creates reality immediately, so I have to be very careful and specific about my thoughts. Funny thing is, I’m finding out that the same is true of the 3D world, except we have the seemingly added delay of time and space.

So how did I come to meet my dad in the astral realm? It began with a rather dull dream that I became lucid in. What follows is taken directly from my dream journal dated January 22, 2001:

…I go to the room to the right. It has office spaces. I see what I take to be my boss, John, on the phone.

As I approach, I see it looks like Dad! I do a double take. I know I have had some confusing dad-type stuff going on with John, so I make sure. I look more closely. It’s Dad alright.

He’s about my age (36 at the time), has sideburns, wears a plaid long-sleeved dress shirt and jeans. It looks exactly like Dad I think.

I come up to him and say, “Dad?!” He gets up and turns around.

I was going to tell my boss about my fuel problem [from earlier in the dream], but now I’m standing face to face with Dad! I realize he is playing the role of my boss for me.

I am now lucid!

I decide to stop action to see if it’s really my dad. I say, “Stop action!” I ask for the set to clear and it does.

Dad is still in front of me. He’s astonished, shocked, which shocks me.

He says, “You can see me?” I say, “Yeah.” Then I call out, “Dad,” and I hug him.

I’m still suspicious. I’m afraid he’ll morph into someone else, but he doesn’t.

He feels solid, but I’m not real emotional, just happy-suspicious.

I notice his young appearance and ask him about it. He’s confused. His face kind of fades a little. I restate the question more clearly. “You look the same age as I am in reality now. Why?” (I don’t recall an answer)…

According to my journal I sort of got sidetracked and lost connection with my dad. This happens pretty often. It’s difficult to retain extreme focus for long periods. When focus fades, I find myself either heading back into normal dream consciousness or I fall back into my body in bed and awaken.

What surprised me the most and what made me believe that I actually met my dad in the astral realm, was his response. He was shocked that I had the ability to see him.

Since then, I’ve had many lucid dreams where my dad appeared and spoke to me, but this meeting is one of the most important because it validated that what I’m doing with my consciousness is pretty special. It’s also super cool that my dad can help me out by taking roles in regular dreams.  

I was never close with my dad. He didn’t know how to be close as he grew up in a trauma-filled household before being sent to boarding school from age 8 on. But now that my dad lives in the non-physical world, he is willing to take on as active a role as I allow. And that’s pretty comforting.

The Bouncy Bridge - A Discovery on My Path to Empathic Recovery

I just took another step toward empathic recovery by discovering and identifying situations in which I used to feel responsible for someone else’s emotional response. I remembered that I once had a supervisor who would yell or complain anytime anyone would ask him something. At very least he would bark out an answer without looking up. At worst, he would berate the person for interrupting him.

Walking up to him to ask a question felt like crossing a Bouncy Bridge. It was as if there wasn’t solid ground under me, like I was on a rope bridge dangling over a cliff. It was so uncomfortable that I found myself acting in unusual ways.

Like a little kid, I would stutter or forget my question just as I walked up to him.

Even though I knew that his emotional responses did not match the circumstances, I still believed that I had some sort of responsibility in the situation. Otherwise, why would I talk to him like a child sheepishly telling his father he had done something wrong?

I now realize that my supervisor was emitting very strong emotional energy, which created the sensation of the Bouncy Bridge. When I stepped into his unstable energy, I was reminded of my father’s unstable energy and, thus, I took on a child-like role.

This is a rather extreme example, but some people create more subtle Bouncy Bridges as well. I knew someone who was very self-conscious about making mistakes regarding meeting times and was overly hard on himself about it. If he sent me a text with the wrong time for a meeting at a coffee shop, I would hesitate to tell him, knowing he would text back something like, “Damn! I always do that.”

In fact, the second I thought of correcting him in a reply, I would notice his Bouncy Bridge and my stomach would feel a bit queasy.

He wouldn’t even know he’d made the mistake yet, but I would feel the Bouncy Bridge he would soon be constructing. (Remember: There is no space and time).

I would usually reply in a delicate way that made it obvious I was treating him carefully, resulting in him feeling even worse. Although the emotions in this case were less severe than the anger of my boss, they were just as effective in entangling me.

Bouncy Bridges are extended when people are nearing a trigger point.

Now, whenever I feel uneasy energy from someone, I employ a method to determine if I’m encountering a Bouncy Bridge. I take a moment and imagine replacing the possible culprit with my friend Bob, a dude who is crystal clear in all situations. I’m not saying Bob doesn’t get upset, it’s just that when he is upset, it’s very clear why he’s feeling that way and the intensity of his feelings match the situation.

I wonder to myself how Bob would react if I told him he had the time wrong? He would reply, “Oh yeah. That’s right. See you at 1pm then. Looking forward to it!” And if Bob was my supervisor, he might say, “Wow. That certainly needs to be taken care of. Thanks for pointing that out, Scott.”

In both cases I would not feel a Bouncy Bridge with Bob, clarifying that neither the circumstances nor my actions are responsible for the uneasiness. Rather, it’s the other person’s emotional response causing the problem.

As I am able to identify more and more where the emotions I encounter are coming from, I find greater recovery. I find more peace.

We are all empathic to some degree, meaning that we all feel other people’s emotions in our bodies. Our go-to labeling system is quick to mark each new emotion with a shiny sticker that reads “MINE.” But we can improve our lives by taking a breath and pausing for a moment to ask: “Is this really mine or have I encountered someone’s Bouncy Bridge?”


I have always judged how worthy I am of love.

What this really means is: I have always judged how worthy I am of my own love.

I feel like I’m in kindergarten while writing this. Like I’m working through the mist of a 5-year-old’s naiveté.

I know that grownups know better. They understand that everyone is worthy of love, but from my perspective, from where I’ve stood for over 50 years, I am only worthy of love if I have recently taken action that netted successful results. Yeah. I know. That doesn’t sound like love.

True love is unconditional. Yes. I’ve heard that and I feel that way toward my partner and kids, but apparently, at an early age, I was taught to self-judge my worthiness of love. At least that’s what I came up with during a morning walk with Janet and our dog.

I had just remarked to Janet about how I’ve been feeling more love for myself, when I caught the internal backlash.

Some part of me said, “Well, what have you accomplished to deserve that?”

Holy shit! I heard it so clearly. This shameful sentiment has always been there, but because of the emotional work I’ve done lately, things that used to feel like hidden imperatives, like internal pushes, like unspoken directives, have become uncloaked, they’ve stepped out of the fog and spoken clearly, allowing me to identify them, to discern the good from the bad, the old tape from the new, the angel from the devil.

And here was the little devil himself claiming that love had to be earned.

I have to say that this feels just like what has been recently happening in our country. More and more people have been stepping out of the murky fog, into plain sight and speaking their anti-love sentiments. I didn’t intend to comment on our country, but perhaps this is why many of us are triggered.

Listening to people speak so strongly from such negative viewpoints forcibly reveals our own love-less internal voices, and it hurts like hell.

So, how did I combat my internal bad guy this time? I told Janet what he said so we could discuss it. This removed the power of secrecy and allowed for healthy analysis of the misinformation.

I also realized that there is no need to fight because I am in charge. I created the voice of the bad guy to keep myself in check. It’s up to me to recognize that his trophy-based love system is self-defeating, and banish him from my mind. Well, that sounds dramatic. I’m sure his death will be more like an old habit: He’ll slowly die.

Plus, because I have recently become very aware of my self-love moments, I have a newfound confidence that I’ll soon be able to consistently feel love for myself. Just like a 5-year-old, I have to gain experience in order to have knowledge of self-love. I believe that the more I have experienced loving myself, the easier it will be for me to reach out and experience it again.

So, thank you uncloaked bad guy. I see you and hear you and I will appreciate you even as you fade away, for your uncloaking has ushered in a new era for me, an era in which I love myself. And I will accomplish more than I ever have in the presence of Love.

An Unexpected Connection

Nine years ago, when I started attending Al-Anon meetings, I discovered that songwriting was part of my spirituality. Up to that point I had believed there was a higher power that held everything in the Universe together but I didn’t feel I had a connection to it. It didn’t feel personal.

Obviously, my guides helped me choose a sponsor because he turned out to be a musician too. When I told him about my feelings of being disconnected from this “God” that was spoken of in the meetings, he told me I already had a connection, and it was through songwriting.

His insight blew my mind, and he was right! When I write songs I go into this meditative zone and receive creative ideas as well as a feeling of serenity and grounding. My creativity, including art and photography, was my natural method of connecting to my higher self, my guides, and my muses. I had been allowing spirit to move through me since I was old enough to hold a pencil and undoubtedly had done it with just my imagination as an infant.

With music, writing songs isn’t the only way I feel connected to Spirit. I have that connection when I perform them as well. Fireflies is a song that especially locks me in when I sing it.

I wrote it in my twenties during a difficult period and then forgot about it. I rediscovered Fireflies a couple of months ago when I stumbled across a box of old cassette tape recordings.

Songs can change meanings for me as time goes by and Fireflies has done just that. It’s now a reminder that my personal adversity will pass leaving me with a beautiful new perspective. (Lyrics below.)

What do you do for your spiritual connection? I’d love to hear from you.


Don’t mind dark minds

Winds come

Blow it all behind

When we look back

We’ll wonder why

We braced for storm’s attack


We want fireflies

A slow breeze

Chasing yellow lights

Open our jars

With brave smiles

It’s okay where we are


Racing river

Bending trees

Rapid skies

Oh help us please

Fight upstream

Rain-soaked clothes

We search for shelter

In shallow shoals


We find quiet minds

On low limbs

Inviting us to climb

Over river’s bank

With broad-water smiles

And the wind to thank



Healing My Son

A few days ago, I healed my teenage son! He woke up with what seemed to be a stomach bug and spent much of the morning in the bathroom moaning and crying from very painful intestinal cramps. He’s a pretty tough kid, so I was very concerned.

My partner, Janet, suggested I administer Reiki, a healing modality, on my son’s gut. She had attuned me to Reiki I about a year ago, which allows me to use it to heal. My son agreed, and so I had him sit down while I placed my hands about two inches over his abdomen.

Although I know Reiki works from experiencing a few healings from Janet, I can’t say I had great confidence in my own ability to heal with Reiki. I had tried it on myself a few times but wasn’t convinced of the improvement, but now I was on the spot. My son was depending on me to reduce his pain, so I kept at it with determination.

I could feel my hands slightly buzzing and I felt the heat coming from his gut. It was super hot. I noticed that he seemed to relax a bit when I got started, maybe from emotionally handing the reigns to me.

I oscillated my state of consciousness between active determination, during which I imagined pushing energy into him, and meditation, in which I asked for his spirit guides and angels to help while I became a conduit, letting the Reiki do it’s thing.

After a few minutes, Janet asked if I wanted a “boost” which is exactly what you would think it would be. Usually this would require me stopping the healing while she gave me the boost, but I didn’t want to stop because my son was starting to get some relief from the pain. So Janet went in the next room and did her thing, sending the boost remotely. Almost immediately my hands tingled even more. I was feeling the boost! So cool.

Within 10 to 15 minutes my son became very sleepy. He was so tired that he had to struggle to tell me that the pain had gone completely away! I covered him with a blanket and he fell asleep.

I can’t tell you how thankful I was that he was pain free. I was amazed that I have the ability to help him. I still am.

Later that day and the next morning he had more bouts of pain as his body struggled to rid itself of the virus. Both of the times I applied Reiki the pain went away and he became very sleepy. Awesome stuff!

I’m guessing that from now on my teenager will ask for Reiki for other ailments and lesser bouts of pain, and I’ll be happy to help him. I’m cool with being his walking first aid kit! I’m loving Reiki.



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