Allowing the Laughter

I caught myself yesterday. It was beautiful out, sunny and in the seventies. I was driving my car with the windows down, but I was tense. “What’s going on?” I asked myself. “Why wasn’t I smiling? Why was I grasping to control the day?”

Then I remembered what AV:, The Loving Extraterrestrial I channel, has been teaching lately about how laughter is a state of both loving and allowing. He also suggested I use laughter to allow him to come into my body before I begin channeling him. (Which has worked amazingly well.)

So, as I drove, the thought occurred to me, “Why can’t I laugh now? What’s holding me back?” The answer was that I had a vested interest in my current disallowing state of mind.

I believed that I needed to be in this strict-with-self mood so that I could control things in order to keep bad things from happening.

That led me to the realization that I was fearful. I was choosing fear over allowing, fear over love, and I have chosen this time and time again.

I even consider myself a funny person who loves to laugh. In fact, that was one of the few lines in my profile on the dating app Janet and I used when we met. Yet that laughter was only allowed when certain conditions were met, when I wasn’t afraid.

As I drove, I thought about how often I had this strict-with-self mood. It happens a lot, and it’s the very mood that causes almost all of my struggles. It’s the mood that strangles the flow of love. It’s the mood that makes my loved ones feel uncomfortable and often causes arguments.

So, what would happen if I laughed now? What if I thought about laughing as I took the next turn?

Well, I’d love to tell you that I started laughing my butt off, but no. I did, however, entertain the thought of laughter and felt an immediate loosening. I felt quite a bit lighter, which led me to make the decision to meditate as soon as I got home so I could contemplate what had happened and allow for more love to flow.

I’m now holding the intention of catching myself when I’m in fear and changing it to allowing. I’m also shooting for the goal of being able to take it one step further and go from a controlling and fearful mood right into laughter.

I’ll keep you informed of my progress.

If you would like laugh with AV: and ask him a question, I will be channeling him Friday November 15 at the Center for Love & Light. Click here to register.

An Alien’s Loving Directive

Ever since I first channeled AV: The Loving Extraterrestrial, his directive has been clear: to help us humans understand the truth of our origin - that we are made from Love.

At our most recent retreat, AV: used chocolate to illustrate his point:


Question -

I feel some resistance to receiving love from others. I love giving love, but when it comes to receiving love from others, I notice that I only let it in so far. There’s a resistance there. What can I do that would help open up my heart?

AV: -

I want you to understand this. Trust me on this. That if you understand that you are of love, from love, in love, then there would be no hesitation for love.

Understand your true nature. Understand where you come from.

Understand that you cannot truly NOT be in love.

It’s an impossibility.

So, it’s like saying you were…instead of love, what should we use instead of love? Chocolate! Let’s say you’re made of chocolate.

You’re saying, “I can’t feel chocolate.” (Laughter) “I feel less chocolate. I can’t accept the chocolate of my lover. I melt when he’s around.”

Do you understand the ridiculousness of it? Your chocolateness cannot be taken from you. So, it is ridiculous. You are made of chocolate.

So, you need practices to understand that you are made of chocolate. It is that simple.

Av: went on to say that even our language illustrates our belief that love is something we experience occasionally. He had someone look up the definition of love online so we could all see that we define the word as something that we feel from time to time rather than the very thing we are made of.

I hope that one day I will fully realize what AV: speaks about and feel the love I’m made of. I have, however, experienced a bit of what AV:’s love feels like as he enters my body. I say “a bit” because I think I would explode from love if I was to take in all he can offer. As it is, I give out the most wonderful laugh/cry when I allow his love to fill me. It’s an amazing experience and one that I hope to share with others.

To take a step toward making him more accessible to others, I will be channeling AV: at The Center for Love & Light, Friday, November 15 at the cost of just $20. Click here to register.

Are You Going Through Difficult Times? I am, and here's what I'm doing about it.

I’m just a few days into a very tough period. I don’t want to talk publicly about the details, but I want to talk publicly about the process. I know from the past that when I share about my struggles, others benefit. I ask you to think the same way if you are going through a difficult period.

If you don’t want to share the details of your situation, at least share how you are feeling.

During the video below, someone asked how it was possible to get support from others without letting them know the details of what has happened. If you have friends with healthy boundaries, they will gladly support you while honoring your boundaries about keeping the details to yourself.

Situations like this come up most when your difficulties concern loved ones who, of course, have the right to privacy. In these cases, it’s appropriate to share with your closest confidant so you can have the support of at least one person who knows the details and can help give a reality check on your proposed actions. This will benefit your loved one as well.

Regarding my circumstances, the first thing I did was share the details with my partner Janet so that I could receive immediate emotional support from her and rational support in the form of her evaluating actions I was thinking of taking.

I have to admit that I was at least a day into this before I started to hit a wall and remembered that I needed to prioritize self-care. At that point I had already skipped my daily meditation as well as my exercise, so I made a call to Janet just to share that I was officially putting myself back on track. That call was followed by a run and meditation.

It’s during these tough times when I have to be aware that I always have a choice.

I can choose to give in to the difficult moment and give up on my self-care activities or I can choose to make time to take care of myself, which allows me to be at my best during the time when I most need it.

In the video below, I talk more in depth about the steps we can take for self-care when we’re going through difficult times.

Please feel free to comment below and tell me what you do for self-care during difficult times.


How I Came to Channel an Alien

Never in a million years did I think that I would channel an extraterrestrial. In fact, I probably would have thought it was much more likely that I would meet one in person. Yet here I am, writing to you about the fact that I communicate with a being from another planet.

His name is AV: (colon included), and he is a very loving being. Despite our differences, such as his 8-foot height and that he has a ridge for a nose, we are made from the same stuff, love. In fact, that is AV:’s favorite and only topic. He talks of how we come from love, and how we are made of love, and that we should always be “in love”.

AV: wants us to understand that love is not something we just feel on occasion. It is the force that created us and our planet.

But AV: experiences love at a much higher level than we do.

When I begin channeling him, the feeling of love and joy is so tremendous that it often makes me simultaneously laugh and cry.

It feels like I can only handle a tiny portion of what he can offer, and because of that, he has kindly provided me with a sort of valve that allows me to control the flow. Thank God for that, because it feels like my heart might explode causing me to burst into tiny pieces.

I’m very thankful that he has come into my life and I feel it’s time for me to share his love and knowledge with others.

Previously, I had only shared AV: at workshops and retreats, but now I’m offering a phone reading called Talking to AV: The Loving Extraterrestrial, during which I will channel my alien friend so he can answer your personal questions. I’m offering this 20 min channeled reading at an introductory rate of $30. Click here to book.

I will also be channeling AV: at our upcoming workshop, Speaking to Spirit: What Lights You Up? October 5-6 at The Center for Love & Light in Atlanta. I will be joined by Janet Raftis and Lea Morgan for a weekend that includes channeling, mediumship, a healing activation, and meeting your guides. Click here for more information and to purchase tickets.

Watch the video below for details on how I first met AV:.


Intuition or Anxiety?

Sometimes when I’m trying to tap into my intuition to make a decision, I feel nothing but bad stuff. This happens because anxiety is building up around the question.

In the past I thought that the bad feeling I was getting was an intuitive pull telling me not to do something, but now I know better.

It’s really important when you have a bad feeling about something to hit the rewind button and see what has transpired to bring you to that moment. When you review you might find that anxiety and worry have arrived on the scene because of some sort of trigger from the past.

Regardless of why, if you find that you’re anxious, it’s best to discount that bad feeling as an intuitive hit because you are currently in no shape to be a good receiver of the subtle energy that carries intuitive information.

When I’m calm and relaxed, I’m being a good receiver. I see myself as an open tube, ready for information to come to me.

But anxiety twists and squeezes that tube, narrowing the opening, making it very difficult for me to receive clean intuitive information.

When I find myself in this situation, I know I have two choices:

1.    Get myself calm and back into receiving mode so I can access my intuition

2.    Seek the help of an intuitive friend or a psychic medium

If I’m super stressed and lack the time to calm myself, I usually jump to number 2 and ask my partner Janet to give me a reading about my decision. However, you know how it is with partners. If one partner is very anxious about a subject, the other may become anxious as well and therefore ineffective. That’s when I seek the help of one of my psychic friends.

But on a good day, when I’m not terribly stressed about the subject, I will work on calming and grounding myself so I can access accurate intuitive information. I might walk or run, play my guitar, or meditate. Sometimes I hold my very grounding hematite stone. Other ways to ground include taking a salt bath, yoga, lifting weights, tapping your sternum and the most obvious one… actually sitting on the ground outside.

Once I feel calm and grounded, I can feel into the decision. I imagine how I would feel if I went through with it and then I imagine how I would feel if I didn’t. As long as I have truly calmed down, this will be very accurate.

Sometimes when I begin feeling into the decision, I start to get stressed again. That’s when I stop immediately and go to number 2. It’s just not worth putting myself through all of that.

In the video below, I talk more about this process and about what an intuitive hit does and doesn’t feel like.

If you find yourself too anxious to tap into your intuition, I’d love to help you. Click here to book a reading with me.

You Are Psychic!

Yes! It’s true. You are psychic. We all are psychic to some degree.

By psychic I mean that you are sensitive to things in the subtle realm that can’t be explained by or measured by science.

Being empathic is a psychic ability we are all born with. We are each able to feel the feelings of another person in our body. For example, when you were a kid did you ever have the experience of watching TV when your mom came home in a bad mood, and without looking at her, without her saying a word, you knew she was upset? Could you feel it in your body?

If you answered yes, you are empathic. You are an empath to at least some degree, and thus, you are psychic.

If you’ve been with a partner for a while, you probably often know what they are going to say before they say it. This ability has not been scientifically verified, so it falls under psychic-ness.

Have you ever thought of a friend you haven’t heard from and then you get a call from them or you bump into them shortly after that thought? That is a psychic event.

Have you sensed when a person you’re meeting for the first time doesn’t feel good to you, regardless of their big smile and pleasant words? Maybe it was so strong you felt repelled by them. This is a psychic sensing.

Maybe you’ve had a similar feeling of being repelled, but it was from bad feelings you received when walking into an empty room. Buildings contain different types of energies that we all feel to some degree and this is psychic as well.

Take a look at the video below where I talk more about how You Are Psychic!!

If you want to expand and understand your psychic abilities more, I can support you in that by accessing helpful insights from your spirit guides. Just book a reading and let me know what you would like to work on. I often give clients a combo reading of intuitive development and problem solving. Click her to book a psychic reading.

The 5 Steps of Creativity

Whether we are accountants, engineers, healers, salespeople, or artists, we are all creative, and we benefit from our creations as do those we share them with.

Being an artist, photographer and musician, I have spent a lot of time in the creative flow, and during difficult periods, out of the flow. So, in order to help myself and others stay in the flow, I decided to look more closely at my process of creativity. I identified the 5 steps I use to bring an idea into creation.

 The 5 Steps of Creativity:

1. Be a receiver of ideas

The first step in the flow of creativity is to be in receiving mode so that new ideas can pop in.

I believe we are not the maker of these ideas, rather they are given to us from spirit guides, muses, loved ones who have crossed over, and other helpful entities, and maybe from a collective consciousness as well.

Receiving ideas often happens to me when I’m daydreaming, not paying attention to the present moment, or in a meditative state. For me, playing guitar is a meditative state and new song ideas pour in rather easily. Sometimes I ask for a new idea to help with a problem or creation and then I meditate to receive inspiration.

I find that the more playful I am about the process the easier it is for ideas to flow in.

Potential challenge:

When I feel creatively blocked in some area of my life it’s usually because stress has taken me out of receiving mode. Stress constricts open thought and kills that playfulness. During these times I do whatever I can to take care of myself by eating, sleeping, exercising, grounding or listening to a guided meditation specifically for reducing stress. Once I “allow” the connection, I can get back to being a receiver of both love and ideas.

2. Decide whether or not to use an idea

When an idea comes in, I move to the second step and decide whether it’s a worthy idea or not. In reality, the receiving of the idea and the tossing about of it to determine its usefulness happens in the same mind space. One seamlessly follows the other.

As soon as the idea enters my mind, I begin tossing it around, trying it on for size.

Does it seem like something I can make happen? Is it of value? If the idea feels right, I go for it. If it doesn’t, I drop it. In some cases, I write the idea down for future use.

The best ideas are the ones that both excite me and scare me because I know that I’ll experience personal growth by following them through.

Potential challenge:

Sometimes I get ideas that feel too big for me. Like I’m not important enough or successful enough to pull this idea off. This is an indicator that I need to do some healing around my self-worth.

If I feel it’s a good idea that I’m not up for, the best thing I can do for myself is to write the idea down and look at it later when I’m feeling more confident.

3.   Create something from the idea

The third step, working the idea, is my favorite way to spend time.

I like to think of this step as adding myself to the idea.

The way I look at it, some other person in the world may have received the same idea, so now it’s my job to add my unique Scott Hall-ness to it. I don’t need to make it the biggest or the best, I just need to make it more like me.

It was once shown to me by one of my guides that we are each beautiful tips of consciousness sent out by fingers of God to discover and uncover things in our own way, and that these discoveries and creations feed back up to God in a loving way that is only possible with the uniqueness of individuals.

During the creation stage, I find myself in the flow and I become even more inspired, and when it really gets moving, a freight train of ideas comes steadily in to help develop the main idea. This is a state of inspired action, which is the best feeling, like riding a wave!

I am not only adding my take on the idea, but I’m using my learned skills as an artist/photographer/musician. In other words, I’m also adding in my knowledge and a good bit of perspiration.

Potential challenge:

It doesn’t happen often, but I can find myself feeling uninspired by an idea that had previously felt great. I find that it’s best in these cases to take a break from working on the idea and come back to it when I’m feeling fresh again, knowing that there must be some potential there since I chose the idea.

Also, sometimes people can feel overwhelmed by inspired action. If this happens to you, just take a breath and move through it. Tell yourself you deserve to see this through. This is growth.

4.   Finish the creation

When I’m at my best, the fourth step is a proud moment. I make any final adjustments with full knowledge that I am completing it. After those adjustments, I go through my completion routine: I sit back and imagine others enjoying it. If it’s a song, I proudly practice it, imagining how others will hear it when I play it at my next show. If it’s a photo or graphic image, I’ll look at it as if I’m a stranger newly laying eyes on it. If it’s a video, I’ll play it through as if I’m a random person watching it for the first time.

Sometimes I need a little help in deciding something is finished. A client’s deadline or a self-imposed deadline can be a great help with this. Do I miss the deadline to make more changes, or do I decide it’s good enough as is? I use my gut and my experience to determine this.

Potential challenge:

You would think that completing the creation would feel wonderful, but it’s so strongly linked to the final step of sharing the creation which can bring up lots of fear, not to mention the faint fear of what to work on next.

I have to ask myself, “Am I delaying finishing because that brings me closer to sharing the creation?”

Sometimes not completing a creation is a way for me to avoid the less fun work of running a business.

5.   Share the creation with others

The final step requires the greatest courage. Usually, the more personal and revealing the work is, the more fearful I am of sharing it. But from experience I’ve found that the more personal my creation is, the more help it will bring to others.

Sharing is also a way of telling the Universe that I want more of the same. It completes the cycle, allowing for another creative cycle to begin.

Once I hit “send”, I allow myself to enjoy the feedback I get from sharing. It’s like getting a little love back for creating something that entertains someone’s attention.

Potential challenge:

I can often create roadblocks for myself at this point by placing too many steps in front of getting my creation out there. For example, I decide that I need to add a new page to my website before I share my video creation, or I tell myself there’s no hurry in completing my new song until I get my next gig lined up. This is merely resistance that I need to move through.

I’ve learned that it really is the third step, the act of creation, that I love the most. This is even more important to me than the approval from others I receive from sharing. When I’m creating I feel so strongly connected to Spirit and myself.

It’s like we merge as one to create. It’s a beautiful thing.

How do you feel when you create? Are you receiving ideas but not following them through? Are you putting yourself in receiving mode enough? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

As a creative psychic, I am perfectly suited to support you with your creative process. I can access your spirit guides for information about your creativity and how to get it flowing beautifully again. I’d love to help you with this. Book a psychic reading and during the reading we will set the intention to work with your creativity.

I look forward to hearing from you or seeing you soon!



Honor Your Feelings to Make Better Decisions

We usually put off making difficult decisions. When we look at what makes them difficult, we find that there are unpleasant feelings involved, and those feelings are not being honored.

Here’s how it goes for me when I’m avoiding dealing with feelings regarding a decision: The subject will pop up for the umpteenth time. I’ll mull it over just a bit until I start experiencing the underlying feelings, and before I get too uncomfortable, I’ll look for the easiest excuse to stop thinking about it.

The excuse is usually something like, “Well, I don’t have to decide on that until next week or so.”  

Just that quickly, the decision is dropped, but because it’s unresolved, it will rear its ugly head soon. In fact, I’ll go through that process again and again with increased frequency and stress as time runs out on me.

This is not a pleasant way to go about things. It’s much better for me to honor those feelings, to go ahead and feel them, even if they are very uncomfortable. In doing so, I’m able to look at the facts and the feelings involved and actually make a difficult decision rather easily. And with that decision will come relief from the uncomfortable feelings and relief from that horrible cycle of avoidance.

Sometimes we’re not even aware that there are underlying feelings involved. We keep putting off making a decision about something without analyzing why we’re procrastinating, but if we look deep enough, we’ll find the feelings lurking.

Other times, we go ahead and make decisions without ever tapping into how we feel about them, and later we wonder why we’re unhappy with our decision. This is especially true with career decisions where we value money and security over how we feel.

It’s important to honor our feelings. They have a way of returning until dealt with anyway, so it’s best to get it over with sooner rather than later.  

Click on the video below to watch me share more about this.

What Does a Toy Boat Have to Do With Meditation?

First off, it’s my birthday, and I’m very happy to be sharing one of my creations with you today!

I love creating things and video is my new favorite medium for channeling my ideas. I get to combine many of my talents in one place, including art, photography, writing, music and sound effects. I had a blast making this video and I hope you have as much fun watching it.

So what’s the video about? I’m sharing my Air or Water Meditation Tip to help you reduce unwanted thoughts during meditation.

Meditation is where so much good work can happen because you’re taking yourself offline to allow your natural connection to Spirit. You’re aligning yourself to loving and helpful information, feelings, images and ideas. It’s like your opening a door above your head so all the good stuff that was held back can drop into you.

But if you’re like I was when I first started to meditate, you may be struggling with an over-active mind.

Everyone else seems to be able to obtain a quiet, thoughtless mind during meditation, but you’re thinking you’d be happy with just a little less thought!

I think a more realistic and helpful goal is to achieve better thoughts and ideas rather than a quiet mind. I believe this video will help you do just that!

Oh. And keep an eye out for the toy boat.

Happy meditations!


I Have a Spirit Guide Who Sits on My Knee

I want to tell you my story about how I met my spirit guides. It wasn’t an easy process. I had tried many times to meet my spirit guide in a lucid dream, but it just didn’t happen.

During that same period, I believed that God was speaking to me through songs. I would be sitting there contemplating a question and all of the sudden a chorus or verse of a song would pop into my head that would answer the question or sooth me in some way. Usually it was a song I hadn’t heard on the radio recently, so I knew it wasn’t coming from memory. This happened with such regularity that I determined this must be God speaking to me.

That was my way of looking at it. At that point I had just re-acquainted myself with the word God in a much more personal, non-religious context. Previously, I avoided the word all-together.

Later, I determined that intuitive information such as this comes in from specific non-physical personalities or entities which are all under the umbrella of God or the Universe. So, I wasn’t wrong to think the songs were coming from God, but in reality, it was much more personal, more like the close relationship you have with a best friend.

Years later, I met my partner, Janet. Our relationship started with lengthy phone calls where I was drilling her on everything she knew about this spiritual and metaphysical stuff. During one of our first calls she gave me a bit of a reading and introduced me to one of my spirit guides named Horatio, a Greek man that I had been great friends with in a former life. She told me that Horatio is the one who has been giving me songs to help me. So cool! How could I not go on a date with this woman?

Afterward, I was able to meditate and see Horatio for the first time. He looks typically Greek. He’s small with curly dark hair, and he gives great bro hugs! I love those hugs and ask for them whenever I’m in need of grounding.

Watch the video below for tips on how to meet your spirit guides and to learn about my main guide who sits on my knee!?!?

I Came Face to Face with My Deceased Father in the Astral Realm

My father died of cancer at age 50 when I was 27 years old. The first time I saw him again was in a dream. He walked down the stairs toward me, appearing to be in his mid 30’s and looking perfectly healthy. That dream comforted me because I knew he was okay.

When I was in my mid 30’s, I had my first lucid dream. I sort of woke up within a dream by becoming aware that I was dreaming. My consciousness (within some sort of astral body) was in the dream world while my physical body was fast asleep in my bedroom. This brought to light a belief-shattering idea: My conscious mind must not live in my body. This belief became my foundation for psychic growth.

For many years after, I lived for lucid dreaming and kept detailed dream journals. In my most active period I averaged about four lucid dreams a month.

There are many books on the subjects of lucid dreams and astral projection, all attempts to describe how it all works from our 3D point of view. In the future I may write in detail about my personal point of view of the subjects, but for know I just want to give a quick summary of what I believe as a result of my experience.

My consciousness in a lucid dream can vary from sleepy awareness to being completely alert in a shockingly vivid scene, but it is never exactly the same as physical waking consciousness.

It’s more like having tunnel vision; I see only what’s right in front of me.

I consider lucid dreaming to be when I become consciously aware within a dream environment. After accomplishing that, I usually ask to stop the dream environment and “go” somewhere else. Wherever I end up is part of the astral realm.

In this realm, thought creates reality immediately, so I have to be very careful and specific about my thoughts. Funny thing is, I’m finding out that the same is true of the 3D world, except we have the seemingly added delay of time and space.

So how did I come to meet my dad in the astral realm? It began with a rather dull dream that I became lucid in. What follows is taken directly from my dream journal dated January 22, 2001:

…I go to the room to the right. It has office spaces. I see what I take to be my boss, John, on the phone.

As I approach, I see it looks like Dad! I do a double take. I know I have had some confusing dad-type stuff going on with John, so I make sure. I look more closely. It’s Dad alright.

He’s about my age (36 at the time), has sideburns, wears a plaid long-sleeved dress shirt and jeans. It looks exactly like Dad I think.

I come up to him and say, “Dad?!” He gets up and turns around.

I was going to tell my boss about my fuel problem [from earlier in the dream], but now I’m standing face to face with Dad! I realize he is playing the role of my boss for me.

I am now lucid!

I decide to stop action to see if it’s really my dad. I say, “Stop action!” I ask for the set to clear and it does.

Dad is still in front of me. He’s astonished, shocked, which shocks me.

He says, “You can see me?” I say, “Yeah.” Then I call out, “Dad,” and I hug him.

I’m still suspicious. I’m afraid he’ll morph into someone else, but he doesn’t.

He feels solid, but I’m not real emotional, just happy-suspicious.

I notice his young appearance and ask him about it. He’s confused. His face kind of fades a little. I restate the question more clearly. “You look the same age as I am in reality now. Why?” (I don’t recall an answer)…

According to my journal I sort of got sidetracked and lost connection with my dad. This happens pretty often. It’s difficult to retain extreme focus for long periods. When focus fades, I find myself either heading back into normal dream consciousness or I fall back into my body in bed and awaken.

What surprised me the most and what made me believe that I actually met my dad in the astral realm, was his response. He was shocked that I had the ability to see him.

Since then, I’ve had many lucid dreams where my dad appeared and spoke to me, but this meeting is one of the most important because it validated that what I’m doing with my consciousness is pretty special. It’s also super cool that my dad can help me out by taking roles in regular dreams.  

I was never close with my dad. He didn’t know how to be close as he grew up in a trauma-filled household before being sent to boarding school from age 8 on. But now that my dad lives in the non-physical world, he is willing to take on as active a role as I allow. And that’s pretty comforting.

The Bouncy Bridge - A Discovery on My Path to Empathic Recovery

I just took another step toward empathic recovery by discovering and identifying situations in which I used to feel responsible for someone else’s emotional response. I remembered that I once had a supervisor who would yell or complain anytime anyone would ask him something. At very least he would bark out an answer without looking up. At worst, he would berate the person for interrupting him.

Walking up to him to ask a question felt like crossing a Bouncy Bridge. It was as if there wasn’t solid ground under me, like I was on a rope bridge dangling over a cliff. It was so uncomfortable that I found myself acting in unusual ways.

Like a little kid, I would stutter or forget my question just as I walked up to him.

Even though I knew that his emotional responses did not match the circumstances, I still believed that I had some sort of responsibility in the situation. Otherwise, why would I talk to him like a child sheepishly telling his father he had done something wrong?

I now realize that my supervisor was emitting very strong emotional energy, which created the sensation of the Bouncy Bridge. When I stepped into his unstable energy, I was reminded of my father’s unstable energy and, thus, I took on a child-like role.

This is a rather extreme example, but some people create more subtle Bouncy Bridges as well. I knew someone who was very self-conscious about making mistakes regarding meeting times and was overly hard on himself about it. If he sent me a text with the wrong time for a meeting at a coffee shop, I would hesitate to tell him, knowing he would text back something like, “Damn! I always do that.”

In fact, the second I thought of correcting him in a reply, I would notice his Bouncy Bridge and my stomach would feel a bit queasy.

He wouldn’t even know he’d made the mistake yet, but I would feel the Bouncy Bridge he would soon be constructing. (Remember: There is no space and time).

I would usually reply in a delicate way that made it obvious I was treating him carefully, resulting in him feeling even worse. Although the emotions in this case were less severe than the anger of my boss, they were just as effective in entangling me.

Bouncy Bridges are extended when people are nearing a trigger point.

Now, whenever I feel uneasy energy from someone, I employ a method to determine if I’m encountering a Bouncy Bridge. I take a moment and imagine replacing the possible culprit with my friend Bob, a dude who is crystal clear in all situations. I’m not saying Bob doesn’t get upset, it’s just that when he is upset, it’s very clear why he’s feeling that way and the intensity of his feelings match the situation.

I wonder to myself how Bob would react if I told him he had the time wrong? He would reply, “Oh yeah. That’s right. See you at 1pm then. Looking forward to it!” And if Bob was my supervisor, he might say, “Wow. That certainly needs to be taken care of. Thanks for pointing that out, Scott.”

In both cases I would not feel a Bouncy Bridge with Bob, clarifying that neither the circumstances nor my actions are responsible for the uneasiness. Rather, it’s the other person’s emotional response causing the problem.

As I am able to identify more and more where the emotions I encounter are coming from, I find greater recovery. I find more peace.

We are all empathic to some degree, meaning that we all feel other people’s emotions in our bodies. Our go-to labeling system is quick to mark each new emotion with a shiny sticker that reads “MINE.” But we can improve our lives by taking a breath and pausing for a moment to ask: “Is this really mine or have I encountered someone’s Bouncy Bridge?”


I have always judged how worthy I am of love.

What this really means is: I have always judged how worthy I am of my own love.

I feel like I’m in kindergarten while writing this. Like I’m working through the mist of a 5-year-old’s naiveté.

I know that grownups know better. They understand that everyone is worthy of love, but from my perspective, from where I’ve stood for over 50 years, I am only worthy of love if I have recently taken action that netted successful results. Yeah. I know. That doesn’t sound like love.

True love is unconditional. Yes. I’ve heard that and I feel that way toward my partner and kids, but apparently, at an early age, I was taught to self-judge my worthiness of love. At least that’s what I came up with during a morning walk with Janet and our dog.

I had just remarked to Janet about how I’ve been feeling more love for myself, when I caught the internal backlash.

Some part of me said, “Well, what have you accomplished to deserve that?”

Holy shit! I heard it so clearly. This shameful sentiment has always been there, but because of the emotional work I’ve done lately, things that used to feel like hidden imperatives, like internal pushes, like unspoken directives, have become uncloaked, they’ve stepped out of the fog and spoken clearly, allowing me to identify them, to discern the good from the bad, the old tape from the new, the angel from the devil.

And here was the little devil himself claiming that love had to be earned.

I have to say that this feels just like what has been recently happening in our country. More and more people have been stepping out of the murky fog, into plain sight and speaking their anti-love sentiments. I didn’t intend to comment on our country, but perhaps this is why many of us are triggered.

Listening to people speak so strongly from such negative viewpoints forcibly reveals our own love-less internal voices, and it hurts like hell.

So, how did I combat my internal bad guy this time? I told Janet what he said so we could discuss it. This removed the power of secrecy and allowed for healthy analysis of the misinformation.

I also realized that there is no need to fight because I am in charge. I created the voice of the bad guy to keep myself in check. It’s up to me to recognize that his trophy-based love system is self-defeating, and banish him from my mind. Well, that sounds dramatic. I’m sure his death will be more like an old habit: He’ll slowly die.

Plus, because I have recently become very aware of my self-love moments, I have a newfound confidence that I’ll soon be able to consistently feel love for myself. Just like a 5-year-old, I have to gain experience in order to have knowledge of self-love. I believe that the more I have experienced loving myself, the easier it will be for me to reach out and experience it again.

So, thank you uncloaked bad guy. I see you and hear you and I will appreciate you even as you fade away, for your uncloaking has ushered in a new era for me, an era in which I love myself. And I will accomplish more than I ever have in the presence of Love.